got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
