Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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