Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
