you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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