I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We left the knife in your bed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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