He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
