Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
