his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
