this beer tastes like vomit already
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
