New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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