bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
