just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
