Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
