plz talk dirty to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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