So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
