After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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