Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
