At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
