he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
