Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
