I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
