So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
