Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
