Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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