Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he shaved USA in his pubs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
