Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
