how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
