i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
