im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
