She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
