you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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