guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
