like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize