So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
