So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
