Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
