she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
