I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
