im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
