She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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