There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
