My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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