The best revenge is premature balding
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
