Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
