I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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