walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
