last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
