maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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