I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
