You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
