my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
