thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
