I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
