The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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