I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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