...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
