I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
