My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
