I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
