I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
