He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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