explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
