I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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