Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
