i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
