I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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