His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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