I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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