well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
