I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize