The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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