We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
