All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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