just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
