I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
