Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
